I kept writing things others would like until I realised it wasn’t giving me the peace I was looking for. It was for likes, for good comments. The essence was missing which made me more upset. I wasn’t doing any good to myself. Writing, which always helped me in healing my bruises was not doing any good for me. From one platform to another, I kept swirling seeking myself. I wasn’t at fault or may be I was. My source of happiness was restricted by me and I was all wrecked up figuring out reasons that what am I actually lacking in?
Until I realised I wasn’t writing for any purpose. I write cos I like to, I enjoy penning my thoughts down irrespective of the fact that they made sense or not. My poems didn’t have to rhyme everytime and nor should the articles. What comes in a flow is what is spoken by your heart! Since that moment until today, I don’t worry about the rhythm of the piece ( as long as it’s completely distorted) but the essence it’s conveying. If I am relaxed after writing even two lines in a day, my motive is sorted. And as long as I have the zeal of weaving my own thoughts, I’d determinantly stay on this belief. 🙂
कुछ बातों के कोई जवाब नहीं होते,
और शायद हमें ढूंढने भी नहीं चाहिए।
हम इतने आधुनिक है कि हर बात का तर्क वितर्क करना जानते है ,पर फिर भी कुछ जगह हम स्तब्ध रह जाते हैं
अपने ख्यालों में डूब कर, बार बार उस पहेली के इर्द गिर्द चक्कर लगाकर उसका हल ढूंढना चाहते हैं।
जबकि हमें चाहिए कि हम समझें कि जो सवाल हमें इतना परेशान कर रहा है उसका जवाब शायद ना जानना ही बेहतर है।
हम ये भूल जाते हैं कि एक शक्ति जो हमें हर कदम पर आगे बढ़ा रही है, चलना गिरना सब सिखा रही है, हमारा अच्छा बुरा सब जानती है, वहीं एकमात्र है जिससे कुछ नहीं छुपा। उस शक्ति का आदर करते हुए हमें कुछ सवालों को उलझा हुआ ही छोड़ देना चाहिए। इस विश्वास पर कि वो कभी हमें गलत राह नहीं दिखाएगी और शायद कुछ समय बाद जब वक़्त सही होगा, हम खुद ब खुद उस सवाल की गुत्थी को भी सुलझा पाएंगे। तब तक के लिए , ईश्वर में आस्था रखे ना कि अपने आज को इतना उलझाए।
सब सवालों के जवाब मिलना ज़रूरी नही।
It’s not the same after a certain age. Every day’s a struggle to survive. I keep fighting with my own beliefs day and night, adapting and accomodating to what is required of me. You are not as happy as you pretend to be outside. Deep inside, there’s is strange hollowness, a void that keeps getting bigger and bigger. Absolutely nothing is able to fill it. You need people to push you, to instill the zeal of living in you. Trust me, you are alive and you’ll be alive untill you breathe your last but it’s only a few years of your life that you actually spend living happily. Rest all is just a formality to keep moving and it’s gruesome.
For a long time as far as I know, I was a fighter. I won’t give up even in the hardest situation. Atleast, I thought so! But it’s the thing with life. It doesn’t cease challenging you and the tougher you act ,the harder it gets on you. Perhaps,it doesn’t like being challenged. Not that I ever did it, but I was always receptive of what’s coming my way.
Now ,I also believe that all those situations I found hard were nothing but a piece of cake and what I am going through now is far more difficult to cope with. At the same moment, I realise that after sometime when I’ll have bigger things to be worried about , I’ll think small of these days . That’s how this viscous circle rolls. Sooner or later, everyone keeps burying deeper and deeper into it. There’s no coming out, no going back either. The best thing to do is perhaps to keep rolling with it. That way, you might enjoy a spin or two through it.
What’s it like to loose your calm and be a rebel? Everything suddenly chokes the throat. It’s hard to figure out how to get out of this situation. Feelings bottle up and all the past memories strangle within. Yet you’ve got to balance things outwardly
It’s a cruel world that doesn’t allow you to carry your emotions on your face. You’ve to smile, fullfill expectations and be there for everyone whoever needs you. This keeps happening time and again, rather it’s a pretty casual thing to deal with. Sometimes, you just laugh it off and move ahead whereas on the other days, it’s just harrowing to let go of.
Writing feelings down definitely helps out cos there is noone to talk about it. Hoping to get through it soon.
Life didn’t come with a menu card. We were never served choices on plates. It was always hard! Whatever appeared to be luminescent from a distance wasn’t worth everytime.
With some bad choices and some barely making to the edge line, we happened to make up for what we have today, a diary of experiences.
Nostalgia taking over logic in many situations,it was nearly impossible to avoid tripping. Yet, it hasn’t been disappointing overall. A few hiccups and a lot of memories to hold onto. That’s what makes a perfect recipe for a happy life. ☺️☺️